This Lenten Season I am still considering the idea of balance. This thoughtful path lead me to consider the idea of what Jesus really meant when he said, “I came that you might have life and have it abundantly.” For most of my life, I thought the idea of abundance meant that Jesus would lead me to great adventure, to personal greatness, and to my greatest desires. I believed that abundant living did not include bad things happening to me or experiencing negative emotions, but if things did appear ugly at first that God would always work things for good, my good. I am beginning to wonder about my idea of abundance. I think that is why I like thinking about Jesus offering the fullness of life instead of abundant life. I was practicing yoga one morning and my instructor lead us to think about our need for homeostasis. We desire happiness and we think that we are not experiencing life or living life well if we are not happy all the time! At the end of class, the instructor said, “May you experience the fullness of life! May you experience love. May you experience sadness. May you be shocked and may you be silly.” I have been thinking about her idea of fullness of life for weeks now. I have experienced a love that leaves me speechless, unbelievable sadness and fear at the beginning of one great adventure. I have experienced disappointment, anger, and anxiety as well as confidence, excitement and determination in my work as a mother at home and in my career as a minister in the church. I have felt lost in knowing my own heart’s desire and jealous of others who already know their passion and go for it.
In the waves of emotions that I experience, Jesus’ power is my constant. As I embrace each new emotion, I know that the power of Jesus will carry me through to the next experience. I don’t have to hold on to tightly to whatever emotion I am experiencing at the time because that particular emotion is fleeting, but I do hold onto Jesus tightly as I ride the wave.
, anger, excitement and freedom that . I have been shy and hopeful, impatient and at peace, and in expressing my greatest desires.
Amber Mattingly 